Tomorrow Never Comes!
by Black Waltz 0
Summary: [PSIV] Pink musk cats! Tiny hunters! Androids on fire! The Great Light's slumber party! Bishojo to Bishounen! Two headed Dezorians! Nudity! Shaved Motavians! All this and more in this fic!
1. The Big Insult

Tomorrow Never Comes

A PSIV Fanfiction By:

Black Waltz 0

A/N: Rune says something he probably shouldn't have, and is in deep, _deep_ doggy shit. I don't own Phantasy Star, or it's characters, I just like to torment them, that's all. Plus, there's a NUDIE SHOWER SCENE!

xxx

Rune mused in his beer. Well, not literally, but he was getting pretty close to dipping his hair in it. Rune Walsh was supposed to be celebrating, for he, through many hours of the most refined physical and mental exertion, had finally mastered the ancient technique, Megid. That was indeed a cause for celebration, in the confidence that Rune would never have to use it. His mission as Lutz still continued, but he decided this was a good a time as any to break it off for a little while and relax. However, Rune's idea of 'relax' was a trip to the Aiedo Pao-Pao and drink up a storm. He had lost count of how many glasses he had emptied.

By now, Rune was in his fairly self-aware sullen part of drunkenness, pushing a little peanut he had found on the table around and thinking. He had all this free time now and he had no idea what to do with it, except to think about it. Rune snorted, he had been thinking _way_ too much recently. There was only one cure for that! Rune took another deep draught of his beer.

It was at this time that a tiny little Noah with feathery angel wings and a halo chose to alight himself on Rune's shoulder, his face ethereal. "You know, I think you've had enough," He harped, plucking a few chords on his golden lyre, "It certainly would not do to have the Lutz in such a state."

"Hmm?" Rune asked, wondering why he was beginning to see things, particularly small incarnations of himself.

Angel Noah wiggled his wings at Rune, "After all, you are a representation of esperkind in Algo, it wouldn't look right to have one with a hangover, now would it? What if a Biomonster attacked? Would you be able to focus?"

"Blah." Answered Rune, stubborn enough to know that Noah was right, but not admit it. He settled on a non-committal noise instead. Angel Noah sighed and rolled his eyes, aware that this was how Rune usually acted when he was questioned. Sometimes he wondered if the Lutz legacy was degrading in the capacity upstairs.

"Perhaps you should call it a night." He advised. His advice was well looked up to, I mean, he _was_ Noah, but Rune didn't seem to care. Rune hiccuped once and was silent. "Listen to-" Angel Noah continued before a rock was thrown at his head, hitting him square in the eyes and knocking him off his perch on Rune's shoulder.

There was a puff of acrid smoke, and another figure appeared on Rune's other shoulder, grinning like a maniac. Little Devil Noah, in a deep red cloak, horns, pitchfork and a pointy tail settled down on the light blue fabric. He tossed a small rock up in the air, catching it again. "Don't listen to that pansy!" He proclaimed, waving his pitchfork around for emphasis, "He's nothing but a retard! If you want _my_ opinion, I think you should keep up the party! I mean, how many guys can say they know Megid? That blonde shorty for one, but who cares about him? Take a load off, and get wasted!"

"You'll regret it tomorrow." Warned Angel Noah, his voice just a small squeak, lying crumpled on the floor.

Devil Noah smiled like he knew every mystery in the world, "Tomorrow never comes!" He announced with glee. Rune considered this wise council, for tomorrow was always a day ahead of him.

"Hey!" Angel Noah yelled, swooping up from the ground, "Rune listens to _me_! Not you!"

Devil Noah stuck out his tongue, "Since when?"

"Since I say so!" Argued the angel, glowering in a ver un-angel-like way.

Devil Noah pointed to the table in front of him. "You wanna come here and say that?!"

Angel Noah tossed his lyre up in the air, it transforming into a golden bow and arrow as he caught it again. "Anytime!" The two Noahs then jumped down on the table, and proceeded to knock each other's lights out. Rune became a spectator in a very unusual duel, sipping his drink and not interfering. Absently he thought that he should lay off eating the mushrooms for a while, 'specially seeing he didn't know where they came from.

"Hey look! Neifirst!" Shouted Angel Noah after awhile, pointing. 

"Where?!" Screeched Devil Noah, whirling around to try and see the non-existent Numan. When he did this, Angel Noah took the opportunity to shoot his adversary in the butt with an arrow.

"Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!" Devil Noah ran around like a loony, clawing at the arrow. Angel Noah laughed all the while. Suddenly the Devil had a revelation, and stared up at Rune with big watery puppy dog eyes. "Help me, please?" He begged. Rune didn't think he could say 'no' to that face, even if it was stuck on a Devil. He slammed his fist down on the Angel Noah, reducing him to vapor. Devil Noah grinned.

But on the dissipation of the vapor, Rune faintly heard a voice;

__

Without me, you'll be sor-ry!

Devil Noah shrugged nonchalantly, flicking his pointed tail from side to side. "Forget that loser, he's gone." He looked around the table with a mischievous look in his eye. "So, my good esper, how many pints can you drink without falling over?"

"A… lot." Answered Rune, to anybody passing by it would have seemed like he was talking to himself.

"Let's see, shall we?"

"…Yeah." Rune signaled for a waitress, wanting another round of drinks. All he thought he'd get from this would be a monster hangover in the morning, that's all. He could handle that well enough. It's not as if anything worse could happen…

He was so very, _very_ wrong.

xxx

__

Later…

Rune giggled to himself like a schoolgirl, he had successfully managed to drink himself under the table. He held onto the floor tightly, because he had the sense that he would fall off it if he did. The law of gravity was screwing around with him again. Devil Noah swung his legs off the rim off an empty pint glass, still as maniacal as ever. If Rune had been in his right mind, listening to devils might not have been on his agenda. 

The Pao-Pao was closing, finally. That meant that Rune would have to leave, or kill all it's staff and run off with the booze. Rune was not that far gone to settle on the latter, so he let the little Devil crawl back on his shoulder, and stagger out of the building. He knew the Inn was nearby somewhere, left, right, up, down… He had a feeling it was up, but he kept falling over as he jumped for the sky. On the pavement he saw a path, and decided to follow it. That path soon became a wall, and he rammed into it, falling back on his behind.

"Damnit, stop being so three dimensional!" He slurred loudly to the town, wanting to get into his nice, soft, fluffy, warm hotel bed, wherever it may be. The world was spinning, or maybe it was him? Those clouds looked peculiar…

"Man, you are _so_ wasted!" Devil Noah pointed out.

"Yesh." Agreed Rune, struggling to stand up.

"You know whose fault it is?" Devil Noah queried, about to do something extra nasty.

"..?" Said Rune.

"The Great Light, of course. Blame him." Lied the little Devil.

For some stupid and ambiguous reason, Rune actually believed the Devil's words. He stood up straight, neck craned up to glare at the sky, and did the most idiotic thing he would ever do in his entire life, including the lives of his previous incarnations, even surpassing the time Lutz had used the Neisword as a toothpick. He said some nasty things, very nasty things about the Great Light, mostly things about its mother. Even the Devil winced at bit at some of the statements, as Rune had four generations of vocabulary stored away inside him somewhere. He finished it up with flipping the bird, then his drunkenness took over and he said 'Hi' to the ground once more.

Le Roof had told Rune that the Great Light was very far away, in another galaxy altogether. However, by an evil twist of fate, it was visiting the Gumbious Temple for a time, and was in 'earshot' of Rune's words. Let me tell you, the Great Light was, well, light… But it did not take insults very well, especially the ones about his mother (Even though it didn't have one). In one nothingth of a second, over one nothingth of a mile, suddenly Rune had a very pissed-off looking Great Light staring him right in the face. This sobered him up pretty much, the look on his face was absolutely priceless. If Chaz had been there, he would have taken a Polaroid and had it framed neatly on his mantelpiece, there for him to laugh at for all eternity. The little Devil Noah snickered quietly for a bit, then disappeared to wherever he had come from, abandoning Rune. His work here was done.

****

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" It boomed.

"Err, uh… um, heheh…" Stuttered Rune, at a loss for words.

The Great Light frowned. It was Rune. If it had been anyone else, he would not have hesitated to do unspeakably cruel things to anyone who insulted him, but this was one of the Protectors, the Lutz, no less, so he guessed he owed him a teensy bit. Very well, the Great Light would punish Rune, but only indirectly. It needed a plan, and there was only one place to go for a plan.

****

"YOU'LL GET YOURS!" The Great Light rumbled before vanishing, leaving a clueless esper questioning his sanity.

The Light headed for Rykros.

xxx

Great Light met up with Le Roof in the Silence tower. As always, Le Roof was doing what he did best, other than tell the secret of Algo's genesis, he was also damn good at making doilies. Unluckily, he had nothing to place on them, so he dumped them on a small shuttlecraft, in the futile hopes that they may someday be salvaged by another species and have their secrets unlocked. That had not happened yet, so Le Roof continued to make doilies, never stopping. The Great Light thought that Le Roof should really get a life, or at least, a new hobby.

"Greetings," Said Le Roof, "Did you come to observe my new design? Look, it is shaped like a snowflake." He held up the piece of cloth for the Great Light to see.

****

"Very nice, Pierre," Replied the light (Pierre was Le Roof's nickname, the great light called him that), **"But I really came here to help plan revenge on a certain individual."**

"And who might that be?" Asked Pierre.

****

"Rune Walsh, the fifth incarnation of Lutz."

"Ah, yes. I met him once, here, on Rykros. Bossy chap with blue hair, right?" Pierre mused, putting his craft work down. "And you want your revenge on him for some reason?" The Great Light nodded. "Well, it seems to me, that if your really want to make him think about his actions, you should…"

Pierre whispered his plan to the Great light, the light's face brightening (Excuse the pun) as the plan was explained. The light began to laugh, and it was not happy laughter either.

****

"Ingenious!" He waved his hands around and pure white light was expelled from them, racing off to its destinations, Motavia, Dezolis and Zelan. The beam of light split into eight smaller beams of light, and each found it's respective target, each effect different on each Protector, save Rune. This was indirect revenge in its finest form.

The Great Light conjured up a white screen image, projecting a picture on it. In a few hours, Algo would awaken, and so would its inhabitants. That was when the fireworks would begin. The Light was patient, and if he played his cards right, this would be a show not to be missed. Pierre started work on a new doily, passing time.

Rune would pay.

xxx

The fifth incarnation of Lutz woke up with the biggest migraine known to any living race in existence. He could almost hear a small demon laughing evilly at him. In addition to that, and a huge subtraction to his dignity, he was also upside down in a tree, without his pants.

Rune grumbled to himself as he tried to untangle himself from the multitude of branches that were restraining him. He had no idea how he got up there, but he could only conclude that he never got back to the Inn. And where the heck did his pants go anyway?

The esper dropped to the ground, then pounded his fist on the grass when he realized exactly where he was. He was under the tree next to the Inn, near the window of his _own_ room, no less. His nice, warm, fluffy (well, you get the idea) bed was only a few feet away. He looked up, his pants were on the roof. Great. He called forth a small Hewn blast and blew his pants back down to terra firma, really, _really_ wishing his head didn't feel like it had Wren doing jumping jacks on it. He put his pants back on, glad it was only early morning and nobody had seen him yet, and wandered into the Inn, needing a cold shower and about a million cups of coffee. He did not recall a single thing about what had happened last night. Was it a good thing?

Perhaps not.

xxx

****

"Operation 'Puppetmaster' ready to begin!" Declared the Great Light, munching on some popcorn as the screen flickered to life. The first of the altered Protectors was about to regain consciousness.

"Shorty, shorty, shorty! Meow, meow, meow!" Sung Pierre.

xxx

It was a warm, sunny, happy morning in Aiedo. The birds were buzzing, the bees were singing (Wait, its the other way around!) and people were frolicking, particularly the hunters, because they were never out of work. Mr. Chaz Ashley reluctantly woke up in this environment, unaware that his life was going to change immensely today. He pulled the covers over his head, knowing he was going to be forced out of bed like every other morning by his lovely wife, Rika. He wanted to sleep in.

He was a little surprised that it did not happen, the usual situation where he was beaten to near death by a sugar-high Numan with a feather pillow. He rolled over, expecting to at least feel a warmth in the bed that was Rika. He felt nothing, so he rolled over again, and again, and again, and again. He kind of thought that this wasn't working right when he got to the edge of the bed and fell off. He fell for a long time, and landed on the carpeting. Had he landed on wood or linoleum, he might have broken something. Since when was his bed so tall?

Wait a second.

Since when was he so short?!

Chaz yelled. He yelled even louder than when he was four and he thought he saw the bogeyman. Chaz was three inches tall!

Was this a dream? Chaz pinched himself. Owch! Nope, not a dream. Then what the hell was going on?

"Rika!" He called, then put his hand over his mouth. It sounded like he had been breathing in helium. He shrugged it off and called again. "Rika!"

"Chaz?" Chaz heard Rika's voice, but it came from very near him, although he could not see the owner. The he had a fear of being squished, if Rika was still at her average height. No, the source of the voice was coming from… behind him?

"Rika? Where are you?" Chaz wondered, scratching his head.

"I'm under the bed!" Rika replied. Chaz could now easily fit under the bed, in his new state, but unless Rika shared the same fate as himself, it would be impossible that she was under there. Still, he looked, squinting into the shadows that terrified so many small children.

"Rika, come out of there! I can't see you!"

"My gosh, Chaz! You're tiny! So it got you as well." Rika said in the darkness.

"Don't tell me you're the same." Chaz said sadly.

"No. I got it worse. Meow." Rika came out from under the bed. Chaz's eyes widened in surprise, and he thought _he_ had it bad. Poor Rika was a musk cat, a bright pink one.

"What happened?" Chaz asked.

"I don't know. I woke up like this, but I couldn't wake you up. So I hid under the bed. You were fine when I woke up."

"Not anymore." Chaz shook his head sadly.

"This must be some kind of weird magic, directed at us. Meow." Rika thought, whiskers twitching. Then she wondered something out loud. "Chaz?"

"Yes?"

"How did your pajamas shrink as well?"

"That's a… good question."

xxx

Pierre and the Great Light were laughing like idiots and throwing popcorn at the screen, so much like little girls at a slumber party. At least they weren't giving each other makeovers.

****

"Phase two of operation 'Puppetmaster' begin!" Said the Great Light between giggles.

"The naked truth!" Added Pierre.

xxx

Hahn stepped into the shower, turning the hot water on to full and finding his favorite sponge. The steam permeated through the air, fogging up the mirror and windows. Hahn was spending the semester spring break back in Krup with his wife, Saya, and trying his best to reconcile with his estranged father. The only downside was that there still were little kids running all over the place, drawing smiley faces in his textbooks and basically being a nuisance. There was a good reason why Hahn chose to work at the university other than the fact that he would be able to learn much more from them, was that he couldn't stand too many kids all at one time. Honestly, he didn't know how in Algo Saya managed it, she truly was a capable woman, one of the many reasons he adored her.

Hahn dropped the soap, the elusive soap. He picked it up and then dropped it again. Giving up on it, he began to shampoo his hair, thankfully, refraining from singing stereotypically. At the beginning of this marvelous spring day, he felt a little funny for a while, but dismissed it as bad vibes from his dad. He didn't need to think about it right now.

After a few more minutes of scrubbing the grime from his skin, Hahn turned off the water and reached for his towel, drying himself. He had a big day ahead of him, he was actually going to prove his worth to his dad and try out a bit of blacksmithing, at least to humor the old man. He hoped he wouldn't do anything wrong and have an accident, from what he'd heard, stuff like that was extra dangerous. But hey, he was a protector, he could handle it.

Hahn pulled on some fairly old clothes, seeing he would probably get a bit dirty, even though all his clothes were white anyway. Saya was out running some errands, so he was alone in the house. He walked into the living room, but then noticed something.

His clothes had disappeared!

There he was, standing starker in the middle of his living room. Hahn turned the deepest shade of red and dashed back to his room, hastily putting on another set of clothes.

They disappeared too.

"What the…? What's going on?" He said, confused beyond all thought.

Every time he put on new clothes, they disappeared within five seconds. This was a bad joke. Soon, all his clothes had disappeared, and Hahn was left with nothing but his birthday suit. Magic. The scholar sensed magic, coming from somewhere. Somehow, he knew that he had been enchanted. He had to go and find out what was wrong with him. All he could think of was going and seeing Rune, he was supposed to be in Aiedo, the esper would have an idea on what to do. There was only one problem.

How in the world could he get to Aiedo with no clothes?

Hahn was not a happy camper.

He wracked his large, scholarly brain and thought up a crude, yet workable plan. He hated to do it, and it would indeed be awkward if he met any Biomonsters along the way, but it was the only way to get to Aiedo and find Rune.

Hahn exited out the living room window, landing in a bush, careful to evade the view of any other people up early. This was _so_ degrading. He scanned the perimeter for people, finding none. He began his plan.

The scholar streaked all the way down south to the machine center.

No Biomonsters were as cruel to attack him, he saw some Locusta along the way, but all they did was point and snicker to themselves. Hahn guessed he should be grateful for that, but somehow he couldn't be. 

It was a good thing that Hahn knew how to work the landrover, walking all the way to Aiedo would just be impossible. He climbed into the driver's seat and found the keys in the ignition, where Chaz had left them. He started up the landrover and off he went, hoping that the windshield was tinted enough so nobody could see him inside.

Hahn passed Molcum soon, the town was being rebuilt by the Motavian population and although it was small, it was admirable how fast a new place could rise from the ashes of an old one. The scholar pressed down on the gas pedal, not wanting to linger in any inhabited area for too long.

Then he saw something.

A figure in green was jumping up and down and waving his arms wildly, trying to get Hahn's attention. He put on the brakes, and wondered why in the world he was stopping to pick up hitchhikers when he was in serious trouble. But this wasn't just any ordinary hitchhiker, Hahn knew, it was his old pal, Gryz.

A little embarrassed, Hahn opened the door, letting the Motavian inside. Gryz was wearing his old green getup, but in addition he was also wearing long gloves and a hood that obscured his face.

"Hahn, I think only resorts allow that." Said Gryz, being decent enough not to look straight at him.

"Oh quiet. I'm enchanted or something. Every time I put on clothes, they disappear!" Explained Hahn, blushing.

"Well, you're not the only one." Gryz admitted mysteriously, tugging on one of his gloves. "See, look." Gryz pushed back his hood.

"Wow. So that's what you look like without all that fur, interesting." Said Hahn, observing the shaved Motavian.

"It's horrible!" Moaned Gryz, "How immoral is that?! To shave a defenseless Motavian while they sleep, some people have no honor!"

"Actually, I think that you might be enchanted, like me. I doubt that anyone would have anything better to do then go around and shave random Motavians." Said Hahn.

"So I'm guessing you're going to see Rune." Guessed Gryz.

"Yes."

"I'm coming too."

"Sure."

The landrover sped on.

xxx

"Oh light," Laughed Pierre, "You really are nasty."

****

"I'm not finished yet!" Said the Great Light, **"Phase three of operation 'Puppetmaster' begin!" **

"Some people should watch their mouth!" Informed Pierre.

xxx

Far away, on the artificial satellite, Zelan, Wren reactivated himself, ready for another day of monitoring Algo. Today would be different, no doubt about that, but for the moment, Wren had no idea of the trial that awaited him. He walked over to the door, expecting it to open automatically, but it didn't so he walked straight into it. Raising an eyebrow, Wren put a hand over the door's opening mechanism, and the door pulled away, as if Wren's touch had short circuited it.

He didn't know what had happened, but he thought he'd fix it later. He went to the central part of Zelan to go and find Demi.

He couldn't find her anywhere. It was almost as if the android had disappeared from the face of the satellite. He activated his vocal synthesizer so he could call out for her, but something was missing.

His voice. Wren was mute.

"…!" Exclaimed Wren, "!!"

All the programming that governed his ability to speak was gone, as if it had never been there in the first place.

"..?" Wondered Wren, he thought he had heard something there for a second. A high-speed invisible mass slammed into him, knocking him down. He felt something on him, even though he could not see it at all.

"Oh gods!" Said Demi, on top of Wren, "There you are! I was searching for you."

"…" Replied Wren, prying the female android off him. He was curious to know why in Algo he could not see her.

"Master Wren, Look, look! I seem to be incapable of visual manifestation… No Master, I'm over here, on your left." Demi waved to get his attention, but realized that it was rather pointless because he could not see her. Wren guessed her location and poked her, she was solid, just invisible.

Wren shrugged, then pointed to his throat and shook his head, trying to get his predicament across.

"I do not understand." Demi confessed.

Frustrated, Wren repeated his actions, adding a; '!' at the end.

"You want to play… charades?" Guessed Demi, misunderstanding.

Wren banged his head against the wall a few times, venting out his exasperation. Then he had an idea. AN IDEA. He went over to a nearby computer and switched on a word processor, typing up a message;

I AM MUTE It read.

The computer exploded.

Its pitiful remains writhed in agony as its electrical current ceased to exist. Wren had an 'I didn't do it' look on his face.

"Master, I know you and the computer had an argument the other day, but that was no reason to destroy it." Said Demi.

For an android, Wren thought that Demi was being incredibly stupid.

"In any case," Continued Demi, "There is no technology available to remove the physical appearance of an organism, so I can only conclude that its source is esperine." 

Wren nodded.

"Therefore, I suggest that we contact the Esper Mansion for more information."

Wren nodded again.

Zelan had three different radio uplinks that could converse with Motavia, Dezolis and Kuran. Thanks to Rune and Kyra, Demi was able to install a small machine that allowed contact with Zelan in the Esper mansion. All they had to do was to activate the uplink. It was a grand misfortune that Wren decided that he was the one to do it. He picked up the receiver, and sparks suddenly flew from it, an ambient screeching sound tearing through the air before the machine imploded.

If Wren was capable of cursing, he would have.

"Not our day, is it?" Said Demi, "For some reason, any machine you touch, err, commits suicide."

"…" Sighed Wren, he didn't think he was _that_ difficult to live with, was he?

"A case like this has been recorded before, but never with an android. It is sort of like a contradiction in terms, if you get my meaning. So it appears that I am not the only one who has changed." Demi touched Wren's arm, but didn't feel any different. She concluded that it only affected non-sentient machines. "I'm going to call Motavia, perhaps Rune knows what is going on, provided that the cause is esperine." Demi pointed to the center of the room. "Master, for Zelan's safety, please go stand over there and _don't_ touch anything."

".." Wren felt himself slipping into a bad mood.

xxx

One of the many little gizmos that encrusted the dashboard of the landrover beeped loudly, catching Hahn's attention. Gryz had stretched himself out over three different seats, taking a light nap, for lack of anything else to do. Moreover, he was depressed right now, and didn't want to be conscious. Hahn feared this, because from experience when he traveled to help rescue Demi back when darkness was rampant, he learnt one important fact about his Motavian friend. Gryz SNORED! He barely heard the beeping over the din. 

Knowing not what else to do, he pressed the bright red button on the gizmo.

__

"Hello, this is Zelan to rover, Zelan to rover, over."

"Um, hi?" Said Hahn uncertainly. Why would Zelan be trying to contact him?

__

"Hahn? Is that you?" 

Gryz rolled over and fell off his makeshift bed. He hit the floor loudly, but continued snoring. "Yes." Answered Hahn.

__

"Darn. I was hoping it was Rune."

"Nice to hear you too." Hahn said, a little irritated.

__

"Oh sorry, don't take it the wrong way, we're just having a little… predicament up here."

"Ditto." Hahn replied.

For a few seconds the voice cut off, but Hahn still heard a hushed monologue ending in; 'Geez, don't touch that… now look what you did!'

"Is everything alright?" The scholar asked.

__

"Nooo… You see, I'm invisible and Wren can't seem to speak."

Hahn did not expect to hear that coming from Demi. "Perhaps you should go see Rune. He's in Aiedo right now and Gryz and I are on our way over there."

__

"That seems like wise council. Okay then." Demi's voice cut off again just as Hahn heard a faint explosion in the background, followed by Demi saying; 'No you don't, _I'm_ flying!'

Hahn moved to turn off the uplink, but Demi gave one last transmission.

__

"Hahn, close the landrover's door so the sand doesn't come in."

"That's not a sandstorm, that's just Gryz snoring."

__

"…Oh."

xxx

The Great Light was happy. Revenge was a dish best served cold… and this one would be _absolutely_ delicious. They were almost getting to the good bit, the best part of the plan.

****

"Hullo." Said the Profound Darkness.****

"Hi." Said The Great Light.****

"What'cha doing?" Asked the Profound Darkness.****

"Playing puppetmaster." Replied the Great Light.****

"Can I watch?"

"Sure." The Great Light waved his arms, **"Phase four of operation 'Puppetmaster' begin!"**

"Two heads are better than one!" Chanted Pierre.

xxx

Raja worked feverishly to ready the shuttlecraft for departure. Every few moments he checked a piece of paper with scribbled down instructions, bloody half-scared to death. He had just cause.

"Hey, hurry up! You're as slow as a wet week!" Yelled Raja I.

"Shut up!" Answered Raja II.

Right now, at this moment, Raja was a walking, talking freak show. Raja, the only two-headed Dezolisian in Algo!

Yep, he was definitely scared to death.

Kyra was pacing behind him, wringing his hands nervously. His, you may ask? You heard right, HIS! "This is INSANE!" He declared. 

"Tell us about it!" Both of Raja's heads agreed.

Well, it wasn't as bad as it could be, at least Kyra didn't suffer the same fate as Raja. But, having to shave every morning was not a lifelong aspiration for her/him, and he wanted this weird esper spell undone! She asked every esper she had come across in the mansion about what to do, but they all just scratched their heads and went 'Uhhhhhhhh…' for a while. There was only one other option, and that was to find the great, venerable Lutz. Little did he know that the great, venerable Lutz had just spent the last night upside down in a tree without his pants, but if he did, would his opinion of Rune lessen? Only the Great Light would know (And the Great Light was watching him right now, spooky!).

Kyra met Raja just outside Tyler, and when he did, they all screamed consecutively for about fifteen minutes straight. They got over it, eventually, and joined forces to figure out how the hell a shuttlecraft operated. A boring lecture from one of the androids would really have been handy right now.

"You're not supposed to touch that!" Declared Raja II.

"And how would you know?!" Ranted Raja I.

"I do!" Proclaimed Raja II.

"Yeah right!"

"Gods, you're giving me a migraine!" Said Kyra, rubbing her temples.

"It's his fault!" Both Rajas said to each other.

Kyra could not take it anymore. He grabbed Raja's priest robe by the small of the back, and cast the strongest type of RYUKA he could muster, hoping that it was strong enough for inter-planetary travel. He got lucky, very lucky. He locked on to the capital of Motavia, not Paseo, sorry, doesn't exist anymore, Aiedo.

All the Protectors were heading for Motavia, their target; Rune.

Our favorite little esper was completely unaware of the situation.

And the Great Light laughed.


	2. The Big Gathering

"Rika, Rika? Slow down! Slooooow dooown!" A tiny, eeny-weeny little hunter named Chaz, still in his pyjamas, held on for dear life as he rose horseback (Actually, catback) on his neko wife as they were chased by a ravenous, drooling hellhound.

Actually, that's a little exaggerated. Yes, it was ravenous, yes, it was drooling, but hellhound? Nah, I don't think so.

"Arf!" Barked Rocky the dog, eager to hunt down the kitty cat that looked ever so much like pink shortcake, at least to the food-crazed pooch. Rika was in no position to negotiate with both her husband and the dog at the same time, so she chose the former, particularly because Chaz was able to think without her mind trailing off into thoughts of tuna, wherever that came from.

"I can't slow down!" She declared, turning into the main street of the town, hoping that exposure to the open would give her a better menu of options to choose from. Rocky licked his chops as he pursued her through the streets, mind a jumble of doggy thoughts.

"Then fight! Yeah, let's fight!" Chaz opened his hand, leaning to the side as he snatched a pointy twig from a bush that Rika had rushed past. "Fight!" He repeated, waving the twig around. It wasn't Elsydeon, but it'll do.

Rika put on the brakes, skidding to halt. "Alright," She said, flexing her kitty claws, "But I doubt you could do much, Chaz."

"Lemme try, anyway." He protested, holding the twig out like a knight would hold a lance on a mounted steed.

"Grr." Yapped Rocky, tongue hanging out. Chaz sighed, Alys had never mentioned anything like this during training.

Everything went tense, neither side dared to make a move. A tumbleweed blew past, setting the scene. Once could almost expect western themed music to come on at any second. Chaz's eyes were hard, he was trying to guess how to best pre-empt the dog's first move.

Unexpectedly, Rocky attacked first, throwing himself muzzle-first at Rika, who hissed like a… cat and scratched at the air before him. Rocky did not fall into the space that she expected him to, instead the dog was lifted up by the scruff of the neck by somebody that neither of them had noticed.

"Okay boy," Said Kyra, shaking the dog lightly, "Don't be a bad dog, scat!" He dropped the animal and feinted a kick at the retreating mutt. The esper dusted off his hands and turned to the tiny hunter and musk cat.

"Uhm…" Said Chaz, squinting at Kyra, "Rune? Did you cut your hair?"

"No!" Exclaimed Kyra, "I'm not Rune," He scratched the back of his head, "Chaz, why are you so small?"

"Kyra?" The pieces of the puzzle finally connected themselves in Chaz's brain and the shock made him fall off Rika. "Why are you-"

"I don't know." Kyra admitted, "Why are you-"

"We don't know either. Meow." Rika confessed, picking up Chaz by the back of his carbon suit.

"That's you Rika? Woah, what have I missed?" Kyra crossed his arms, thinking. "Strange stuff's been happening, hmm? I wonder if the same things happened to the other guys? Light knows that it got us four."

"Four?"

"Raja's around here somewhere, poor guy. He's been arguing with himself for the past half-hour," Kyra looked forlorn, "I have a headache."

"You can come to our house and take a few aspirin, if you want, um… Kieran." Rika offered, Chaz and Kyra sweatdropped.

"Kieran?" Chaz sniggered, dangling limply from Rika's grip.

Kyra was trying to look impassive. "I prefer my old name, thank you." He growled.

"Did somebody say drink?!" One of the Rajas declared. Nobody had, but he figured that if he brought up the subject, the chances of getting some would increase.

"I want drink!" Demanded the other Raja, grinning stupidly.

Chaz and Rika fought back a scream, Chaz pointing one finger at the two-headed dezolisian. It probably would not seem too freaky to anybody not with empathy on Chaz's point, but a smartass two-headed dezolisian proclaiming his need for drink in the same day when you find yourself three inches tall and married to a musk cat is a bit much, even for the wielder of Elsydeon.

"Hullo!" Greeted the Rajas in perfect sync with each other.

It would be pointless to point out that something was not right.

"I… need a drink, a stiff drink." Chaz moaned, dropping the twig still held in his hand.

"Make that two." Kyra (or Kieran, depending on which gender you wish to associate him/her with) added.

"Or three." Rika was unhappy with the fact that she may have to spend the rest of her life drinking out of a dish.

"Four!" Said Raja I, Raja II glared at Raja I, "I mean, five."

"Okay, let's go home. Meow." The four protectors were about to start their epic journey to the Ashley house across the two blocks they would have to trek, when they heard a noise.

"Do you hear that?" Kyra asked.

Rika's pointy ears twitched, " It sounds like an engine stalling at high-speed."

"You being the expert." Said Chaz.

"We don't hear nuthin'! I want drink!"

Suddenly, yet not altogether unexpectedly from the third-person point of view, the Landale whooshed overhead in a veritable boom of noise, smoke pouring from the back part of the flying machine. A fast shadow passed over the town of Aiedo, before the metal bird found it's final resting place right on top of the town's bakery, thankfully empty due to the owner's recent mid-life crisis and his exodus to sightsee at Termi for a few weeks. But, the building was still well-stocked with ingredients.

It was a terrible impact. There was pink icing everywhere.

The reason that the four protectors were drawn to this spot had nothing to do with the sugar lying all over the place. Really. They were really concerned for the people within.

… Don't look at me like that.

There was a lot of smoke and rubble everywhere, adding a weird contrast to the pink sugar snow. Kyra had picked up both Chaz and Rika, and the Rajas were trailing behind him. The esper coughed on the foul air and fanned it away, watching the entry hatch to the Landale. If you listened really carefully, you could hear a one-sided argument on the inside of the ship, it only being one-sided because the first side was unable to get their point across. Then it appeared that the hatch was stuck, as banging began to be heard.

"I guess I better let them out." Kyra smiled, preparing a Nafoi technique to bust the door open.

He did not have to. The hatch was finally wrenched open, and a disgruntled Wren-type android fell down the stairs and landed flat on his face, wincing as something invisible yet heavy landed on him. It was a little too late for Kyra, however, because he had already unleashed the Nafoi technique straight at them, managing to set Wren on fire.

"!!" Wren ran around beating out flames for about a minute, sugar is flammable and he was covered in it. Demi, invisible in the background, laughed like she never had before. It was almost worth trashing the ship for such a hilarious scene.

"…" Complained a charred android, shooting a pained look at Kyra.

"Sorry." Apologised Kyra.

The Rajas were joining in with Demi on the laughing part, knocking their heads together in a giggling fit.

Chaz and Rika didn't know what to think.

"Oh…kay." Stammered Kyra. "And what dire fate has befallen you two?"

"……" Explained Wren.

"Look what you did!" Scolded Demi, through with her humour, "I told you not to touch the steering wheel!" She kicked the side of the Landale, "You broke it."

Wren looked guilty.

"This is getting excessively weird." Rika observed in Kyra's arms.

Demi finally noticed the four protectors standing in the rubble, although they did not notice her. "Greetings, everybody. Oh dear, it was worse than Hahn said it was."

Chaz brought a hand to his face in an exasperated manner. "Hahn too, Demi? Um… wherever you are."

Demi nodded, but the motion was lost on the people who could not see her. "Indeed. He mentioned that he was cursed, and with Gryz at the time. As for myself and Master Wren, I'm invisible and he's mute."

".." Said Wren, backing up Demi's explanation.

"That would be everyone, except for Rune." Rika mused, restraining herself from making the stereotypical 'meow' at the end of her sentence.

"The reverent Lutz, I bet he'd know what's going on!" Kyra announced.

"But what about drink?" Raja II asked sullenly, the promise of drink fading from his meagre existence.

"Yes," Agreed Chaz, he was not a drinker by nature, but by then crawling into a whiskey bottle seemed to be a good way to escape from his disturbing reality. Oh, if only he had known that it was drinking that had STARTED the mess in the first place. "Drink is good."

"I need to lie down." Kyra whimpered, his headache increasing by a few notches.

"……?" Asked Wren, which was an expressed desire to borrow a towel to get all the sugar out of his system.

It was decided, they all staggered back to Chaz's house, their mission:

Regroup and rethink.

xxx

The pimply teenage pizza delivery guy searched for a doorbell on the jewel-encrusted Silence Tower. Loosing his grip on the three pizza boxes and cheese dippers he held in his inventory, he rapped on the big shiny metal door, cutting his knuckles on the pointy-ness of it's surface. "Hello?" his uneven pubescent voice asked hesitantly.

The Profound Darkness opened the door in a pair of pink stripy pyjamas, it looked like they _did_ decide to have a slumber party after all. **"Ah, it's here," **The Darkness boomed, **"Finally."**

"Well um, it was kinda hard to get here," The delivery guy admitted, handing the pizzas and cheese dippers over to the ultimate incarnation of evil, "That'll be 380 Meseta, please." The Profound Darkness checked it's pockets and procured a small bag of money, tossing it into the hands of the delivery guy. "Tip?" The teenager asked expectantly.

****

"Get a haircut, ya hippie." The Darkness slammed the heavy door in the guy's face, leaving him alone in the scary wilderness of Rykros, filled with Biomonsters with many claws and giant axes. Chances are he wouldn't live long enough to receive his minimum wage. Oh well, society's loss.

The Darkness wandered back to the central part of the Silence Tower where the Great Light and Pierre were watching the Naura Bakery Landale impact and laughing.

****

"Food's here." It set the pizza down next to Pierre and the Great Light and took a slice.

"Did you get my cheese dippers?" Pierre asked hopefully.

****

"Yes." Replied the Darkness, pushing the box over to Pierre. Pierre proceeded to get cheese all over himself and anybody else who got too close.

"Is it almost time for phase five?" The cheese-covered spirit questioned.

****

"Not quite," Answered the Great Light, a little too excited right now to eat anything. **"But soon."**

The Profound Darkness watched the android on the screen run around on fire. **"These individuals seem familiar…" **He mused. The Great Light and Pierre sweatdropped, aware that they were the Darkness's mortal enemies.

****

"Hmph… Must just be me…" He ate another slice of pizza to deaden the sensation of familiarity.

xxx

Rune was on the mend, his hangover was showing signs of defeat and a clean set of clothes plus a warm cup of coffee made his life worth living once more. The Lutz ran a comb through his light blue hair, a little tangled from his stay in the tree last night and begun to wonder what he might be able to do to occupy his time today. Or he could sleep, yeah, that was a good idea.

But then again, he did have some training to work through, but a stabbing pain through his brain seemed to come back if he even thought about conjuring anything at the moment. He sipped his coffee, smelling the nice aroma that wafted from the liquid. Rune could have sworn that he had heard a huge commotion a few minutes ago, but dismissed it as simply the sound of blood thumping through his headache.

Although he wanted to know why the air smelt like shortcake.

Rune pulled his gloves on and tied his hair back into a loose ponytail. He picked up his lovely nourishing coffee and walked back to his room for a few warm up exercises.

Maybe a little physical exertion would diminish his feeling of mental blockage.

xxx

__

Light, this is embarrassing…

Hahn could not have gone any redder than he was already.

__

Thank gods Gryz is here.

Gryz had pulled his hood back over his face, still embarrassed by the fact that he resembled a giant plucked chicken. This would be the most difficult part of their journey, reach the Ashley house without anybody seeing Hahn.

Mission Impossible.

Hahn was standing behind Gryz, the bulk of the motavian blocking out anybody who tried to perv on the poor scholar. They walked slowly around the perimeter of the town, meaning to go through the graveyard past the jail and Hunter Guild. It was market day in Aiedo, so everybody would be in the front part of town. It was a good thing that Gryz had remembered.

"I hope nothing bad has happened to Chaz and Rika." Said Gryz, he didn't think they could have been dealt a worse fate than himself, but it could happen.

"Me too." Hahn wished it wasn't so windy outside. "Uh, Gryz? Thanks, you're a real friend."

"Getting you to put your clothes back on, now that's a favour to all Algo." Gryz stepped over a tombstone carefully, meaning no disrespect.

"Indeed, spring chicken."

They went past the jail, empty because everybody was nice in Aiedo, no nasty bastards ever came anymore, mostly because they knew that Chaz Ashley was in town.

They were almost in the clear.

xxx

Raja was very impressed at the extensive collection of alcohol that Chaz and Rika had stocked in their house. Originally, it all belonged to Alys, no, she didn't drink much, but she always entertained guests that did. Sadly, there was none of that ol' Jut brew that he was so fond of, but he picked a bottle that most resembled it, and poured himself a drink.

Kyra had taken two aspirin and was lying on the comfortable couch, waiting for his headache to go away. Chaz had a small thimble filled with whiskey on the rocks, it was they smallest container they could find for him, and he was sitting on the mantelpiece swinging his legs on the edge. Rika was curled up next to Chaz, purring.

Wren had been able to get most of the sugar out of his armour and hair, although he still smelt like burnt shortcake, and leant against the wall with a drink in his hand, not intending to do anything with it, but fulfilling his duty as Raja II's cup holder. Demi was standing in the corner, invisible.

"Raja," Said Chaz as Raja I emptied his second glass, "That's not drink, it's liquid drain cleaner."

Raja I shrugged, "It's still goooood stuff!" He hiccoughed.

"Don't worry, dezolisians have cast-iron stomachs." Kyra reassured Chaz, one hand clutched protectively at his head. In retrospect, both espers, Rune and Kyra having a bad headache was more than just a simple hangover and from Raja's ranting, they were more in tune with nature, and sensed the magic cast on them more than the others. Too bad they didn't put two-and-two together, huh?

The Rajas stumbled over to the coffee table, going to set their drink down, but accidentally brushed past Demi and stubbed their toe on her. Quite painful.

"Argh!" They both cried, hopping up and down on one foot, pain plastered all over their faces.

"My apologies," Said Demi, trying to straighten the dezolisian who was bent over in pain. "Being invisible can be quite a burden." There was a knock at the door. "I'll get it!" Demi proclaimed, letting go off Raja who then fell to the floor. She scurried off to the entrance to the household and flung the door wide open, letting whoever it was in.

Gryz stepped in purposefully with a strong stride, Hahn hiding behind him. However, he didn't know Demi was in front of him and they collided, both falling over and everybody in the room getting an eyeful of Hahn.

"Oh, crud." Hahn darted for cover, hiding behind the nice flowers.

"Crud is right." Moaned Gryz, his hood having slipped off so everybody could see the poor motavian.

"… Welcome to the freak show." Said Chaz.

"You'll fit right in." Rika added, trying not to giggle at Hahn.

"This isn't funny," He protested, then saw exactly what had happened to the other protectors and began to chortle himself. He opened one eye in the midst of laughing, "Hey, don't look!"

"Gad, I'm a klutz…" Gryz got off the big heavy metal thing that he was currently crushing. Demi was happy for Gryz's departure.

Rika was thinking in the background about an idea that had currently passed through her mind. Going through all the possibilities, she climbed to her feet and said;

"That's it, Demi, you're being too much of a roadblock, come over here, I have an idea."

The android obediently made her way over to Rika, the cat padding into the kitchen, pouncing onto the kitchen bench. "If you have a remedy, I'm ready to hear it." Rika crouched, and put a paw on her head, testing to see exactly where the invisible person was. Satisfied, she pushed a pot filled with a certain condiment to the edge of the bench with difficulty, mostly because she didn't have human hands anymore and had to use her head. The pot toppled and fell, right on top of Demi, sending a cloud of flour all over everything in the kitchen.

The musk cat had a small coughing fit from all the dusty substance in the air, but as the cloud cleared, Demi was finally visible, a whitish flour-covered outline, almost like a ghost.

Demi looked at her hands. "This is much better! Many thanks, Rika."

"Don't mention it." She replied.

Gryz noticed that Kyra was staring at him. "What?" He said, irritated.

"Fall into a vat of wax?" Kyra asked naughtily.

"No! Shut up, Rune."

"Ack! I'm NOT Rune!" Kyra cried, "I'm far to beautiful to be him."

"You know, that's not something a guy should say about himself." Chaz instructed.

"I know, but I'm not a… Oh wait, yes I am. Damn." Kyra gave up on protesting, and resumed looking dejected.

"Hey," Raja II yelled, "The mechanical doll's trying to say something." He directed everyone's attention to Wren who was trying to do just that.

"…" He unsuccessfully tried to get his point across. He knew he had failed when he received the multitude of clueless looks from everyone else. So… it looked like he had to do it.

Wren really hated charades.

Firstly, he pointed to the pennant of Termi, starting off the game.

"Flag?" Chaz asked.

He shook his head.

"Picture?"

Nope.

"Termi?"

No!

"Sign?"

"!" Wren nodded vigorously, and started on the second word. He pointed to his mouth, hoping that the protectors weren't as stupid as he thought they were.

"Sign mouth?"

"Sign face?"

"Sign language, dummies." Kyra announced, like it was obvious information. Kyra was the only one that understood. "Anybody here know sign language?"

Everybody looked at each other, shrugging.

"I do!" Proclaimed Hahn happily from his hiding place. "Go ahead, I'll translate."

Wren made some elaborate hand movements that seemed like gibberish to anybody else.

Hahn looked like he was concentrating deeply. "Okay… I think I got it." They all listened to what Hahn had to say.

"Um… Evil singing lab rats, New Jersey rugrats, hello brown cows, bureaucrats."

Last time Wren checked, he wasn't a beatnik. He concluded that Hahn was indeed an idiot. Chaz couldn't keep a straight face for very long, nor could anybody else in the room. "Hehehehe… Exactly… how much sign language… do you know, Hahn?" Chaz questioned between sniggers.

"A bit."

"How much… is a bit?"

"About thirty words." Hahn looked sheepish.

Wren hated to be made a laughing stock.


End file.
